Unspeakable Mercies ON HIATUS
by ckorkows
Summary: ON HIATUS! This story features our favorite Junior Rangers and is very rough and emotional. Sydney's been hospitalized for something unexpected - can she handle it? WARNING: this story centers around the theme of rape and the emotions associated with it.
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters. I ain't claiming them, so don't sue me.**_

_**Hey all, another story, this one features our favorite Junior Rangers and is very rough and emotional. Rated T for some adult references and violence. WARNING: this story centers around the theme of rape and the emotions associated with it. **_

_**A huge shout out to my new Beta, Moviemom44, without her help this piece of emotional dribble would have been more like the goo dribbling out of the dumpster. Please remember to read and review, and as always…**_

_**Enjoy the Ride, **_

_**Ckorkows**_

Unspeakable Mercies

It was storming outside of Dallas Memorial Hospital. Lightening streaked across the sky on an angry rampage, its wild electric tendrils dancing across the night-darkened clouds as rain and hail pounded down on the un-yielding concrete outside the ER. The nurses and doctors working the emergency room dashed across the polished floors as busloads of car-accident and heart-attack victims filled the hospital to bursting.

In the middle of it all a slender woman slipped in through the doors and made her way quietly toward the check-in counter where a sword-tongued woman cleverly fenced against the onslaught of questions directed at her from the hordes of wounded and worried family members. The woman's dark hair was wet and stringy, drips of water crept down the bridge of her nose as she waited patiently in the seemingly endless line of 'emergencies'.

The line crept slowly forward and the nurse nodded curtly at the unusually stoic woman standing before her, sliding the clipboard across the counter with a wrinkled hand, "You're going to have to fill this out."

The woman leveled her dark eyes on the nurses grey ones, her voice low and steady as she raised a manicured eyebrow, "You have me on file."

The nurse shrugged and drew the clipboard back toward her, poising a pen above an empty space on a never ending list, "Name and Emergency?"

The smaller woman glanced around her before leaning over the counter, her lips barely moving as she spoke, "I am Ranger Sydney Cooke and I need you to get me a rape-kit."

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Gage crouched low to the ground, running with his chest parallel to the grass as a quick hail of bullets thudded into the trees behind him. His head was lifted slightly and his gun was tucked in close to his body, finger on the trigger as he raced around the side of the cabin in time to hear another round bury itself into the log siding. His blue eyes swept across the horizon, spotting his partner's ebony hair as she jumped up from her spot behind the car door to loose a few bullets into one of Hal Marcal's lackeys. Sensing the stall in action, both partners abandoned their cover and chased down a few of the remaining combatants, rolling their eyes as the panicking men dropped their guns to turn around and flee.

Gage veered left to intercept one of the men who split from the group, slamming him in the back with his forearm as another man joined the fight. With one man down and another man throwing punches, Gage's body reacted almost without direction from his mind. All thoughts of his partner were pushed to the background as the second man swung his fist at the Ranger's face, grazing the stubble on his cheek as Gage ducked and nailed the man in the stomach.

The fight was over almost as quickly as it began, the lackey deciding that no boss was worth the rock-hard fist of the blue-eyed lawman. Cuffing the two men, Gage raised his head to search for the other Rangers.

Walker and Trivette had gone around back to head off Hal Marcal and his right hand man; they were now dragging the two men out of the house, supporting their half-conscious bodies with a hint of disgust on their faces. Gage smiled a little as Walker simply dropped Hal Marcal onto the stained cement driveway, leaving him for the local sheriffs to haul away.

Gage's eyes swept toward the pool area where he noticed his partner was still engaged in combat; her long, dark hair whipping around in the wind as she danced between the two men, delivering blows that were probably twice as hard as the ones she was receiving.

She leaned over and slammed her foot into the knee of the man behind her, twisting her body in time to avoid him as he fell. She stood tall and caught the second man's foot in her stomach, doubling her over. The man smiled cruelly as he grabbed the woman's long hair and dragged her head up to meet his fist.

Sydney closed her eyes in anticipation of the blow and she smiled when she heard a loud 'umph' come from the man instead of feeling his fist. She opened her eyes and grinned at her partner as he floored the criminal.

Gage was about to return her grin when Sydney's smile turned to grimace and she doubled over, clutching her stomach and crying out in a raspy moan. He wrapped his arm around his partner, ducking down to look into her eyes, "Syd, did he wind you? What's wrong?"

Sydney bit back another cry, swallowing the sound as she tried to stem the flow of tears that she felt running freely down her face. Her abdomen felt as though it were being shredded from the inside. It was a mixture of cramps and sharp, violent spasms that wracked her body and forced another low moan from her lips. There was no way a foot could cause that sort of pain…

But it wasn't the pain that brought the female Ranger's next words to her partner's ears - it was the nauseating smell of fresh blood and the spreading moisture between her thighs. Sydney had known something was terribly wrong when the first sharp pain had dropped her to her knees, but it wasn't until she felt the moisture that she had recognized her predicament. She had once been in the ER for a mild gunshot wound when a woman had come into the room screaming in agony, refusing to accept that her mild spotting was really the loss of her pregnancy. Sydney sunk her teeth into her tongue as the bleeding continued and metal shards seemed to wreak havoc on her intestines…there was too much blood, she knew, too much pain…but it had to be the same thing.

Her voice cracked as she closed her eyes and struggled to keep it together, "Gage, call an ambulance."

_**Okay guys, so this was going to be a one-shot, and that's why I'm going to post the first 5, yes, you read right, 5 'chapters' first, because I'm just finagling the ending and trying to decide what to do with it from here. You'll get to see a little big of Walker and Alex in their 'parent' roles in this one and please, please please please, review the chapters you like or hate or wanted more in.**_

_**Enjoy the Ride,**_

_**ckorkows  
**_


	2. Chapter 2

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Sydney drifted in and out of consciousness; she remembered being helped into an ambulance and the look on her partner's face as he demanded to ride with her. She had flashes of nurses and doctors – poking her, asking her questions, and one comment that lingered in her mind like a bad taste.

"If we don't get her to the O.R. we'll lose her too."

Sydney held back a sob in her semi-state of consciousness. There it was, in plain old doctor's code - she had lost a baby. Part of her mind rebelled against that thought, refusing to accept the fact that she had ever been pregnant. It screamed at her rational side, refusing to believe the harsh reality that her rape had resulted in the creation of a child. Sydney's rational side ignored her irrational ignorance, simply refusing to accept the truth _until _the doctors told her it was real.

Now, awake and medicated, Sydney kept her eyes closed, mentally testing her body to see if she could feel the pain, to see if she was still being torn apart from the inside out. Shaking her head when she felt nothing but an odd, throbbing numbness, she forced herself to open her eyes and face the world.

Gage was there. Her partner was scruffy - blonde whiskers marring his strong jaw and deep circles sagging beneath his eyes. Sydney took a moment to admire the unbelievably handsome man who was standing guard at her bedside, looking like he'd been there for days. He was looking over her and seemed to be talking to someone. She couldn't hear what was being said; her ears were filled with the rush of blood and the low hum of voices seemed to dissolve in its strong current.

Sydney flexed her fingers, finding that both of her hands were encased by other hands. Her movements disturbed the deep discussion that was being held above her and she smiled meekly as Alex leaned into her line of vision.

"Hey there sleepy head…"

Sydney mumbled, not understanding the words that fell out of her mouth, "G'bmornng, whrambialif?"

Gage's voice tugged at her heart as he offered her a cup of water. She remembered another time when it had been Gage in the hospital bed and she had told him how much she loved his voice. It was deep and caring, with a nice timbre that made her heart race just a little. It was the sort of voice that made you feel safe and happy, it was a friendly voice. Sydney let her friends help her sit up and Alex tipped the cup of water to her lips as Sydney debated whether to be overjoyed or concerned that she finally got her wish to wake up to the sound of his voice.

Now that her tongue could move, Sydney repeated her question, already knowing the answer, "Where am I?"

Gage frowned and Alex smiled, answering her question kindly, "In the hospital. You've been here for several days."

Sydney nodded, looking at Gage and not Alex as he frowned down at her, "I had surgery."

Alex nodded, glancing at the man across from her sharply. They had discussed this and it was not up to them to tell her, "Yes. The doctor can tell you all about it."

Sydney noticed the muscle moving in Gage's jaw and decided to be concerned that he was standing vigil - he certainly didn't look pleased about it… did he know? She glanced at Alex and saw the warning look burning behind her best friend's eyes. Sydney's mind was still muddled with drugs and emotions as she looked back and forth between her two visitors. What was going on? "Where are Walker and Trivette?"

"They're outside; they didn't want to crowd the room. Would you like to see them?"

Apparently Gage was not going to speak to her again; Sydney felt her heart sinking as she nodded at Alex, watching the blond woman exit the room, she didn't really want to get into it with her partner right now. She moved her dark brown eyes to her partner and hoped that Alex would give them a moment before she returned with their boss.

"Gage?"

The man grunted as his heart twisted with conflicting emotions. The doctors had told them what had happened and Gage couldn't believe that Sydney wouldn't tell him…him of all people, about…he couldn't even think of it. Gage shook his head and tried to let his joy at seeing his lovely partner conscious and coherent shine through all the hurt and anger. Apparently he was unsuccessful as Sydney pursed her lips at him.

"Gage, are you going to talk to me?"

Gage took a deep breath, "Hey."

"Hey," Sydney smiled sadly at the emotional tangle that was her partner.

Walker led the way into the small room, feeling the tension between the two partners roll over him as though there wasn't enough room in the hospital for all those feelings and unspoken words. Never a coward, he continued inside, vaguely aware that Gage was glaring at his partner. Not a good sign.

The Doctor followed him in. After Walker and Trivette had gotten their hugs and said hello to a now very unhappy Sydney, the elderly man stepped forward and took Alex's seat. "Hello Ranger Cooke, I'm Dr. Garcia."

Sydney gripped her partner's hand tighter, suddenly thankful that although he wouldn't speak to her, he hadn't let go of her hand since she had awakened. This, she understood, was the moment of truth. "What type of surgery did I have?"

The Doctor glanced around the room, expecting the other people to leave and was surprised when they didn't. He was shocked that his patient was so calm; she seemed almost like a tropical island in the midst of a tsunami, if the look in her partner's eyes was any indication of the collective mood in the room. Anticipating an outburst once she heard the news, the doctor shrugged, perhaps the support of her friends would make it easier, "Ms. Cooke, you lost your baby."

Sydney's heart clenched tight and the blood rushed out of her face as she closed off all valves of emotion. The rational half of her quickly abandoned ship and raced over to join the irrational side, demanding that the doctor was lying. She couldn't have gotten pregnant, not by him! Her mind drifted to the day she had been raped, the examination she'd undergone three months ago in this very same hospital…

_The nurse at the counter stood up so abruptly her clipboard fell off the countertop with a noisy clatter. She motioned for Sydney to follow her and ignored the protests from the dozens of waiting patients who didn't understand why someone who didn't even look sick was getting preferential treatment, "Right this way Ranger Cooke, I'll get that for you and be right back."_

_The nurse paused at the door to the room, glancing back at the young woman as she stared at the wall. She didn't seem upset or nervous or anything other than bored, and that scared the experienced nurse more than an angry outburst ever would. She quickly, and quietly, went to grab a rape-kit, and returned to the room in less than two minutes to find the Ranger sitting the same way she had left her._

_Sydney transferred her eyes from the wall to the older woman as she heard the door whisper closed, "I know you have to have an officer present…I want to request somebody."_

_The nurse nodded and allowed Sydney to make the call. It was barely fifteen minutes, spent in uncomfortable silence, before a tall, skinny woman with spiky blonde hair walked in. Sydney nodded at Buzz, a former convicted felon who'd gotten a taste of justice when she helped the Rangers take down The Chairman almost a year back. Buzz gave the other woman a half-smile, giving the nurse the OK to start the exam. _

_There were no words said as the nurse began the process, no questions asked, and Sydney appreciated that more than __the other woman would ever know. She__ knew that there would be questions, of course, but she also knew that she had to maintain control…or she would lose it all._

_The woman finished __up, carefully preserving the last swab in a sterilized container,__ and looked at the young Ranger, keeping her hands next to her as Buzz, DPDs newest officer of the peace, asked the first question, "Did you know him?"_

_Sydney nodded, "Yes."_

_Buzz stood on the other side of the room, she didn't really want to be here, but she owed Sydney...and a small part of her was honored that the Ranger had called her, of all the people she knew, "You say the name and we'll have him hauled in for rape charges before he eats his breakfast."_

_Sydney smiled a little at Buzz's excitement. She liked the woman, but that wasn't why she had called her, "Buzz. I'm not pressing charges. I'll answer the rest of your questions but I want you to understand that this needs to be filed under a false name. This file needs to be 'lost', so to say, in the endless piles of unsolved cases. I don't want this coming out, ever."_

_Buzz was indignant, Sydney, of all people - of all victims, knew how important it was to testify, to charge the…she couldn't bring herself to think the word, "I'll put it under a pseudonym if that's what you want, but I really think you should reconsider pressing charges. We've got his DNA, Sydney. And with you being a Ranger…well, he's not going to be offered a sexual assault plea."_

_Sydney's eyes were burning darkness as she looked up into Buzz's face – sorrow, sadness, didn't look good on the normally happy-go-lucky computer whiz. Determination radiated from the lady Ranger as she spoke in monotone, "This man has connections, he wouldn't get the life sentence. I'm not pressing charges."_

_Buzz tried one more tactic, knowing that it wouldn't work but optimistically hoping that it might, "Sydney, if you don't press charges this could happen again, to someone else, or many other somebodies."_

_Sydney's smile was grim and scary as the heat in her eyes intensified, "This won't happen again."_

_Sydney turned her eyes to the nurse, her interview with the young officer over, "Am I done here?"_

_The nurse glanced at the officer, getting the distinct feeling that Ranger Cooke's last words were more of a threat than they seemed, receiving the go-ahead from Buzz, the nurse steeled herself to go up against the overly-rational victim, "You'll need to come back in a few weeks so we can test for HIV. And once a month after that for six months." _

_Sydney nodded in understanding, her stomach doing a summersault at the thought of that bastard giving her AIDS. If she was infected he was going to go down a lot harder than she planned. Her voice gave away none of her brief internal turmoil, "Anything else?"_

_The nurse smiled dryly, flicking her eyes in the direction of the blonde officer one last time as she tilted her head authoritatively, "You'll have to get a pregnancy test. As soon as possible so we can discuss your options should you…"_

_Sydney cut the nurse off, shaking her head. "I'm not pregnant."_

_The nurse had tried to reason with her, but Sydney was adamant, even when Buzz pleaded with her, she ignored their logic. She would know if she was pregnant. Rational thought eluded her as Sydney remembered being the officer in the room, thinking that other women were idiots to not get a pregnancy test, now she understood. Somewhere, deep down inside, underneath all of that denial, Sydney knew that if she took the test it could come up positive. If she didn't take it there would be no little plus sign to tell her that Hal Marcal had left more than the rough feel of his skin on hers. No test, no pregnancy. She wasn't pregnant._

Sydney's face showed no emotion as she looked straight through the doctor, "Good."


	3. Chapter 3

There was a collective gasp around the room, not really a vocal one, but the air inside the room seemed to suck into the corners as the Doctor and Sydney's friends stared at her with a mixture of shock and pity. Sydney ignored the questions that were in everyone's eyes and glanced at her partner, seeing that his eyes held no questions, only hurt and anger. She closed herself off from her feelings, knowing that the man who had done this to her was in prison, and he was there for several life sentences because of her. In a sense she was relieved, she didn't want his baby, a reminder of the torture he'd put her through. If the pregnancy had lasted, Sydney feared that she would have hated the child, would have unconsciously punished it for the sins of its father. No, she thought to herself, it was better this way.

Her voice was calm as she focused her gaze back on the Doctor, "What was the surgery for?"

Dr. Garcia made a mental note to contact the psychology department and demand that the stony female Ranger attend sessions before she leave the hospital. He made no sign of his inner concern as he proceeded as he imagined Ranger Cooke would like him to…with clinical indifference.

"The pregnancy was in the fallopian tube, instead of the uterus, and when you miscarried the delicate tissues tore and caused internal bleeding. We had to repair the damage by removing the fallopian tube before you bled out. That's why the miscarriage was so painful. We have no way of knowing if the physical exertion combined with the attack caused the miscarriage or if the tube ruptured on its own because the fetus had outgrown it. Either way you are exceptionally lucky that it happened when it did, if an ambulance had not been en-route to the scene there's a good chance we may have lost you too."

Sydney filed this information away like a computer, tucking it into the files in the far recesses of her mind. Her survival, the baby's loss, it was as insignificant to her as donating blood. She knew that the doctor's words were true, fallopian pregnancies were exceptionally dangerous, but she couldn't seem to grasp the emotional impact his words were meant to have. During the last three months she had worked on nothing but the Hal Marcal case, shutting off her feelings and emotions and working like a machine to convince RJ to give her the case, convince Walker to take the case, and to personally bug Marcal's office so that she could get the evidence she needed to put the man away for twenty lifetimes. Emotions were unnecessary, a bothersome accessory that she simply stuffed into a bottom drawer and let decay.

Her heart poked through her carefully constructed exterior as one final though burst forth from her lips, carrying more emotion than Sydney had shown in months, more emotion than she wanted to show now, "Will…will I be able to get pregnant again?"

The doctor nodded, pulling out a flashlight as he bent toward his patient's face, "Yes…in his infinite wisdom our Lord graced women with two fallopian tubes, you only need one to have a child."

Sydney relaxed a little and let the doctor check her responses, her friends remaining in the room as though they were rooted to the spot. She knew the moment the Doctor left she was going to be bombarded with questions, and she steeled herself for the onslaught before it began.

Dr. Garcia declared that Sydney was healing splendidly and should be out of the hospital in a couple of days if there were no complications and then he left, rushing out the door to make some calls to a couple of colleagues of his. Ranger Cooke, he decided, was not going to leave the hospital without seeing a few specialists.

The moment the door swung closed behind Dr. Garcia, Alex let loose. She had been so worried about her friend, concerned at how she would react when she learned she had lost the baby, and all the petite brunette could say was, 'good'? Alex's body was tense with confusion and compassion and she collapsed onto the side of the bed, more worried for her friend after seeing her response than she was when they almost lost her.

"Sydney, are you sure you're okay?"

Sydney nodded, refusing to meet the emotional storm behind her best friend's eyes as the men in the room seemed to echo that feeling, "Yes. I really am."

Alex pushed, "You're okay? You just lost your baby, a child Sydney, like Angela, and you're fine? You put yourself and your baby in danger for the past three months and lose it because of your job, and you tell me you're fine? Don't lie to me Sydney, don't hide."

Sydney shook her head, frustrated with the questions that she didn't want to answer, "I'm not lying. I am fine!"

Alex placed her hands on the Ranger's shoulders, unbelieving that Sydney be so selfish, there were more people involved in this than just her, "You're fine? Well, what about the baby's father?"

Walker noticed how Gage's jaw clenched tight and barely controlled fury flashed behind his blue eyes a moment before he exploded, grabbing Sydney's arm and wrenching her around to face him as angry words erupted from him. "Yeah Syd, what about the baby's father? Don't you think you should let him know that his unborn child is dead? That he isn't going to be a father anymore? Your fallopian tube burst, Sydney! You may never have a child again, and you sit here and tell me that you're fine, and you don't even care about what the father thinks? I thought I knew you, I thought I knew you!"

Sydney's eyes remained passive as Gage gripped her shoulders and shook her, shocking Alex and the Rangers as angry tears streamed, hot, down his contorted face. Sydney shrugged out of her partner's grasp, holding back the angry torrent of tears and hatred that threatened to burst from behind her carefully constructed mask and take itself out on the only man in the world she actually cared about.

And because she cared about them, about him, she decided they deserved at least a little of the truth, "Gage, Alex," Sydney took Alex's hand, unable to look at Gage when he was like this. It reminded her of the time he'd yelled at her for trying to help him, when he'd lost his hearing. Sydney met the ADA's wet eyes, her own shining a little as she admitted her mistake to herself as well as her friends, "I didn't know I was pregnant."

Alex slumped a bit, her hands moving to friend's shoulders to soothe and comfort. Gage's jaw went slack and he stared at the back of his partner's head as a truth he hadn't considered slapped him in the face.

Alex glanced over Sydney's shoulder, seeing that Gage's expression hadn't changed much. For a man who'd stood a midnight vigil for almost four days, he certainly didn't seem like the caring partner the petite Ranger needed right now. Sadness, and a touch of pity, overwhelmed her as she burst into tears. Hugging Sydney to her and praying that somehow the two Junior Rangers would work it out. Sydney simply watched the display, glancing up at Walker as he carefully pulled his wife away from the bed. Her eyes swept the room, Trivette collapsed against the wall as though the emotional exchange was too much to believe, Walker, holding on to his wife as huge sobs quietly shook her body, and her partner.

Gage stared at Sydney with a mixture of anger and hate flashing in his eyes, he could barely believe that the woman he had trusted to have his back for the past two years was sitting here, calm as can be, stating that it was no big deal that she had lost a baby she didn't know about. His nostrils became tight slits as he sucked in an angry breath, glaring at his partner. Deep inside, he knew he wasn't upset about the way she was acting; if he was rational he'd admit that it was very much like his tight-lipped partner to close off her emotions. She'd done it after her 'stay' at Casa Diablo, shut him and everyone else out of whatever turmoil was going on inside of her. No, that didn't bother him so much. What really got him, what ticked him off more than anything else, the thing that had his hand tightening around the slender fingers of his friend and partner until she gasped in pain, was that Sydney had been pregnant…with another man's baby.

A deep rumble escaped his throat as the root of his anger took hold in his mind. There was something there, Gage admitted, between his beautiful, stunning, almost exotic partner and himself. Something more than just the normal camaraderie between partners, he'd even been willing to give it a shot, was slowly working up the courage to ask the only woman who'd ever truly frightened him to go out to dinner, and she hadn't even bothered to tell him that she was seeing someone else. The silver daggers he was throwing at the woman he used to - like? Admire? Love? - were a cover for the real pain and anger that he tried, unsuccessfully, to keep hidden.

Gage saw the pain that flickered across his partners face as he squeezed her hand, refused to let it lessen his anger, she had betrayed him…his voice was dead, cold, as he asked the only question that mattered. "Who's the father Sydney?"

She shook her head, they still didn't need to know, they wouldn't know. Couldn't. She kept her voice low and strong, in this she could fight anyone, but she couldn't keep the almost imperceptible pleading undertone out of her words. "It doesn't matter."

Gage heard the plea, _don't ask_, and barged past it on the crest of his anger, "It doesn't matter? Of course it matters; we've been sitting here for days wondering if you're going to wake up, to pull through a miscarriage that you claim you didn't know about!"

The other people in the room rocked backwards, shocked at Gage's blaming words as he carried on, his voice gaining a snide quality, "I don't know what's the matter with you Sydney Cooke, but I'm sick of sitting here guarding your bedside because you enjoyed a dance in some man's pants!"

Walker's control snapped and he started forward, the first words of a command on his lips as he decided to shut his Junior Ranger up with vocal or physical force, whichever. He didn't make it in time though as Sydney yanked her hand out of her partner's forceful grip and dragged it across his face with the resounding 'slap' that rang through the sterile room.


	4. Chapter 4

Sydney caught a sob in her throat and choked it down, hot tears burning her eyelids as she refused to let them fall, no one knew, she never wanted anyone to know…but, as Gage stared at her relentlessly she realized that he truly believed she had enjoyed the means to these ends. Hurt, anger, betrayal rushed through her so fast it made her breath come in short, desperate gasps.

How could Gage, her closest companion, her partner, the only person she trusted with her secrets, the man she ached to touch, to kiss, how could he possibly think so little of her? How could he believe that she would be with someone else? That she would willingly give herself to someone else? Sydney heart constricted in a slow and agonizing death as she let her mask crumble and let the unbearable pain that she had been hiding contort her beautiful features for a moment.

"How. Dare. You….you…" Sydney broke, the flood of emotions she'd been holding back for three long months pouring out of her in a rush of wild, un-checked sobs.

"I didn't enjoy it when Hal Marcal raped me. I didn't enjoy it at all you bastard! How could you think that? Think so little of me…" The truth flew out of her mouth so quickly she almost couldn't believe she'd said it. Her hands covered her face as shock rocked her body backwards, back onto the hospital bed where she sat shaking. She'd said it.

Knowledge, understanding, sudden, awful comprehension hit the four other people in the room like a wall of water bursting forth from the Hoover Dam. Sydney had presented the Marcal case to Walker two months ago, claiming that her old boss from DPD had mentioned it to her and offered it up to the Rangers of Company B. Marcal was a well-known drug lord who specialized in human mules as a means of transporting his goods. Several agencies in Dallas and surrounding areas had tried to take him down, and none had succeeded - until Sydney presented that little sound bite that had convinced the judge to get the Rangers their search warrant. Walker felt his wife's sobs intensify as the full realization of Sydney's reasons for wanting the case so badly hit home. Walker stood rooted to the spot, unsure if he should rip Gage's head off or hand Sydney his gun. Alex made the decision for him by gently tugging his hand, pulling him out of the room and into the hallway, pointedly glaring at Trivette with water-logged eyes until he followed them. If Alex knew anything it was that Gage had to dig himself out of this one or things would never be the same…for any of them.

Gage felt like he'd been slapped in the face, well he had, but her words stung worse. He stood above his partner, mouth open, watching her cry it out and feeling like the lowest piece of scum the earth had ever seen. His fingers twitched as he longed to hold his partner, cuddle her to him and let her tell him all about the hurt so that he could go and bash Marcal's face in and make it better. But he knew that Sydney didn't want to see him, let alone have him touch her, after he'd made such an ass out of himself.

They stayed like that for a while, Gage standing dumbly over his partner with a broken expression on his face as Sydney rocked back and forth on the bed, her arms moving to hug her and soothe away the hurt. She was acutely aware that her partner hadn't left her, hating him and loving him for it as she dragged herself through the mindless collage of emotions that she hadn't let herself experience in over three months. Anger, guilt, shame, depression, vengeance, pain, loneliness, sorrow, pity, indifference. They swamped her with their power, overwhelmed her in their multitude. At some point, Sydney realized that she felt a little better, beneath the tears and the misery her heart felt like it was beating a little easier, her body felt like the sludge it had been moving through had lessened.

Gage started when Sydney began to speak. She kept her head down, the tears flowing from her eyes as freely as any tears would ever fall, as the story pulled itself out of her. She wasn't telling Gage what happened, he simply happened to be there when she admitted it to herself.

The words were like a string, tugging the pain from the festering wound of her rape, "I went to a bar downtown to meet with RJ, my sergeant from DPD, he said he was keeping an eye on some drug dealer and wouldn't mind the company. We sat there and watched Marcal for hours, drinking because we didn't want him to mark us as cops. About ten after midnight, RJ got a call from the department, there were so many accidents that they needed to call in everyone to help. He offered to take me home but they really needed him and I didn't want to waste his time. I decided to head straight home after that, I didn't want to be alone in a bar with a drug-dealer without any backup."

"I went outside to see that it was storming like no other. Marcal hangs out in this bar that is off the beaten path and I had to walk a ways to get a taxi. There weren't any overhangs or roofs so I knew I was gonna get wet. That's when I realized he was following me."

"I walked down the middle of the sidewalk, trying to keep in the light and make it to the main street where there was a lot of traffic without running away. I know I should have run, but I guess I let the fact that I'm a Ranger hold me back. Rangers don't run. This was my mistake, I let my pride, my position, hold me back from doing what any sensible woman would have done. I was stupid. I had almost made it to the street when he caught up with me, I think he had a couple of buddies with him, but they hung out in the background."

"I heard him come up behind me and I tried to turn around but he was too quick. Or I was too slow. Either way, he put me in a sleeper hold until I stopped struggling. I tried to get out of it but for some reason my body wasn't doing what my mind told it to."

Gage growled, "Drugs."

Sydney jerked her head up as if suddenly realizing she had an audience. Her dark eyes met Gages and she continued, nodding her head in response to his question. "Rufalin, I had a blood test done. Turns out Marcal knows the bar-tender, they slipped it into my drink after RJ left. I told RJ that they knew he was a cop all along, that's how I got the case, I had to get the case - we had to take Marcal down."

"Marcal took me behind a dumpster, right up against the wall. I guess I should be thankful that he didn't hit me or anything; but I'm not, if he'd hit me it would have meant he knew who I was, what I was. But this was just a random act, not revenge or punishment, just random, and that made it worse somehow. He finished and left me, laughing with his buddies about needing a beer and a smoke. They thought I was a nobody, just some girl who decided to go to the wrong bar in town. When I could walk again I made it to the main road and got a cab to the hospital. It wasn't until later, when Buzz asked me if I wanted to press charges, that I decided to take him down as a crime lord instead. Maximize his penalty, guarantee he wouldn't get out. I told Buzz that he wouldn't do what he did to me to anyone else. And he won't."

The room fell silent, punctuating the dead-serious tone of Sydney's final comment as her story came to a close. She wasn't smiling as she stood up; creating a small vertical space between herself and her partner that sizzled with raw emotions. Her eyes never left his as she stared him down, daring him to make another comment.

Gage swallowed, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down once as he looked into the dark depths of his partners soul for what seemed like the first time. She never let her guard down, her eyes were always shining with those shields that she kept up to protect her heart, and now, now that he had truly ruined everything, he looked into eyes that were almost dull, eyes that let him in. And he knew he was undeserving.


	5. Chapter 5

She let him sweat it out for a little, his words still hurt and she wasn't going to forgive him that easily. But, seeing his lips tremble with unspoken apologies, she relented a little. She needed him, not just as her partner. She needed him because she knew he could be strong when she was weak…and God did she feel weak. Gently, hesitantly, she closed the distance between them, wrapping her arms around his muscular frame to encourage him to hold her, to give her the support she so desperately needed. The angry part of her brain told her it was because he was the only one there, the rest of her brain screamed that it was because it was Gage, and no matter what her idiot partner said or did, he would always be there for her.

Gage spread his hands across his partner's back, gently squeezing as he felt her collapse, just a little, against his chest. His jaw clenched tight to hold back the new emotions that came flooding through him, his hands rubbing soothing circles into his partner's soft flesh as he tried to think of something to say that could fix this. Anything.

Gage's voice was husky and it whispered through the tangles in Sydney's hair, his words were so meaningless, "Syd…Sydney, I'm so sorry…"

Sydney shook her head, hushing her partner as she let his solid warmth console her. She thought back to what she had said to the doctor, would she change her answer now? Yes. No. Her mind fought a fervent battle between what was right – wanting the child and letting sadness and sorrow for its timeless end overwhelm her; and what she really felt – it was kinder to the child and to her that her fallopian tube had burst. The corner of her mouth twitched as she thought about what she really felt, sorrow and relief, right and wrong. Was it so possible to be this conflicted?

Gage felt her sigh heavily against his chest, felt her hot breath expel onto his shirt, warming the dark stain that had been created by her tears. Sydney pressed herself closer, urging her partner to hold her a little tighter, to give her one last comforting squeeze, before she eased herself out of his arms, the space between them cool and empty. She knew that if she needed him, she could close that distance again and again, and he'd always be there to hold her.

This was why, when her eyes met his once more, she forgot about the hateful things he had said to her. If she held onto them she knew they would tear her up, ruining her from the inside out like an infectious disease. Besides, she had one last thing she had to say to her partner, something she had promised herself she would tell him long ago. She tilted her chin up, to give herself that one last feeling of control as she took a fortifying breath, "Gage, I meant to tell you this long ago. I don't know why I'm telling you now, because you hurt me partner, and you're going to have to work very hard to make up for it. But you have to know, so that we can be square, so that you can be there for me. I'm sorry Gage. I'm sorry I kicked you and didn't kiss you. I'm sorry about not trusting you. I was afraid, afraid of what I felt for you, the way you made – make – the way you make me feel. I'm sorry I waited so long…too long. I…Gage… "

Gage raised his hands as if to run them up and down his partner's arms, dropping them quickly as he realized he still wasn't worthy. His eyebrows drew together as she struggled to finish whatever it was she was trying to tell him. He could tell that this thing, whatever it was, had been eating at her, and at the same time he felt unworthy to hear whatever it was. He didn't deserve her forgiveness just yet, they both knew it. But, eager to settle things between them, eager to prove himself, he stayed quiet until she continued on in a strong whisper.

"I…Marcal, Marcal was my first. He took away the one thing I was saving for someone special. Someone special like you…"

If Sydney had anything else she wanted to say, she didn't get the chance. Gage's mouth crushed down upon hers, smothering her with hot demand. Her body responded instantly. Sydney arched into Gage's kiss, pressing her breasts upward, into his chest, as she dug her nails into her partner's arms. As quickly as she responded she began to struggle, suddenly feeling claustrophobic and needing space, needing air.

Gage released his partner quickly, raising his eyebrows in question as she pushed him away, struggling to control the breath that was now racing, shallowly, in and out of her lungs. When he saw her eyes he immediately began apologizing – fear was not an emotion he wanted to evoke. "Syd, oh God Syd, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to… I got carried away…you said, and then…and I thought…"

Sydney shook her head, it wasn't his fault. She wanted to speak to him but she was shivering uncontrollably from the amount of adrenaline her brain had dumped into her system that she couldn't get any words out. She simply sat down on her bunk again, trying to communicate her own apology to her partner. She really wanted to kiss him.

At the thought of kissing her muscular partner Sydney's body dumped another load of its own natural speed into her body, causing her to start hyperventilating again. Gage watched, in horror, as Sydney turned from a mostly rational human being into a terrified woman, the rapidly increasing beeps from her heart monitor attesting to her body's response to him. Sydney's eyes were wide and pleading as she held two fingers to her throat, trying to measure her pulse and encourage it to slow down as her body sprung into a full-blown panic attack.

Walker, Trivette, and Alex were outside, talking to the nurse who had been on duty the night Sydney had come in for the rape-kit. The woman was elderly and stern, but she had given the Rangers everything in the file for 'Ms. Smith'. Walker shook his head with a mixture of pride, pity, and respect, as he realized that Sydney had planned to take down Marcal, had decided not to file charges because she wanted him to rot in prison for much longer than he would have if she had pressed the rape charges. Alex and Trivette were marveling at the case when the sound of a flat-line rang out from a nearby room.

All four of them turned to take in the now-bustling post-op unit as Dr. Garcia raced through the hall with a crash cart, calling out orders and slamming through the closed door to Sydney's room. Walker, Alex, and Trivette were a half step behind him, Walker running straight past the man as he stooped to tear off Sydney's top and the nurses started up the D-Fib.

Gage saw Walker coming and didn't have time to respond as his mentor grabbed his neck and practically threw him against the wall, "What the hell did you do?"


	6. Chapter 6

Gage sat as far away from Walker as was possible in the small conference room, putting Alex between himself and the older man, Trivette was on the other side of Walker, Gage had opted not to sit by him either. Walker had released Gage with some persuasion from Alex, and Dr. Garcia had kicked them all out of Sydney's room as the nurses began D-Fib on a flat-lining Sydney.

Gage's heart constricted as his mind replayed the image of Sydney falling backward onto the hospital bed, her eyes glossing over as the flat-line tone had stabbed into him with its ominous tone. He'd been able to do nothing when Walker had closed his fingers around his throat, couldn't blame the man for wanting to kill him. Gage had almost willed his mentor's fingers to crush his neck, to make his pulse as non-existent as his partner's. Even now, waiting on Dr. Garcia to come and fill them in, Gage felt the tightening in his throat…what if they told him she was gone? What if he never got to see her self-satisfied smile again, hear her mock him when he fetched that fourth bowl of chili, got to kiss her and make her forget about Marcal? What if she died and that man tarnished her memories of the planet, of men, of him? Gage felt Alex slip her slender fingers into his and held on, gulping back the tears that threatened to flow. Law be damned, if she was dead he was going to kill that bastard himself.

Alex's hands squeezed the two masculine hands that she held. Walker, she knew, was shutting them out, introverting his pain and his worry so that all they could see was the mask of an angry grizzly bear, ready to tear apart his Junior Ranger because someone had to be blamed. Alex herself refused to believe anything yet, she wouldn't let her mind get ahead of her, wouldn't play the tortuous 'what if' game that was so easily read in Gage's eyes. She tried to soothe both of the men, feeling like the air between two magnets, being pulled apart as each man tried to emotionally, if not physically, separate himself from the other. She glanced over at Jimmy, glad that at least one of the Rangers in her life was as openly torn as she was. Wet streaks shined on his cheeks as he looked inside himself, trying to put on a mask like his partners, but unwilling to let so much of himself go to do so. Alex felt moisture on her own face and let herself cry. It was all too much, no matter what the doctors said, it was too much to handle. How could Sydney get past all of this and be the same woman that had stood beside her only a few months ago when she said her vows?

Dr. Garcia walked into the tiny room without announcing himself. The tension of all the conflicting emotions emanated from the doorway like an angry pulse, he didn't need to waste time knocking when those people's emotions were stretched so tight, so thin. He sat down into the single chair across from his patient's friends, forcing eye contact with each of them in turn before he opened his manila folder.

When nobody asked the inevitable question he began, sharing more with these people than he might with others because he realized that they were Ranger Cooke's family, they were as good as blood if the stone-cold glare from Walker was any indication. "Ms. Cooke has been stabilized, we were able to restart her heart within a few minutes and I do not expect there to be any permanent damage."

Dr. Garcia paused, pushing his reading glasses up a little higher as he waited for a question. He looked to the woman, Walker's wife, and offered her a clinical smile when she asked the appropriate questions. "What stopped her heart?"

Both the hands she held tightened as Dr. Garcia nodded, glancing down at his folder to gather his thoughts, she looked over to see Trivette was leaning forward now, more tears flooding his narrow face as he smiled a little. Relief – she had survived. "Ms. Cooke suffered a coronary embolism, caused by a major spasm in one of the major blood vessels in her heart."

Gage broke in, leaning forward with a frown, "A heart attack? But, she's one of the most healthy people I know. What could have caused it?"

"Most heart attacks are caused by a fatty blockage in the major arteries of the heart, but Ms. Cooke, as you said, is a perfectly healthy young lady and she had the normal amount of cholesterol build up for a woman her age. Her heart attack had nothing to do with any permanent blockage of the arteries. Something caused one of the arteries to constrict, the way your throat does when you swallow, to stop the flow of blood long enough to stop her heart."

Walker frowned, "I've never heard of that sort of heart attack." Alex squeezed his hand, and he glanced over at the warning look in her eyes, ignoring it as he scowled across the table at the other man.

Dr. Garcia cleared his throat, maintaining eye contact with the older Ranger, "Yes, well, the heart attack your friend suffered was far from usual. In fact, less than 10% of heart attacks fall into this category. We took a blood sample from Ms. Cooke to see if there were any unusual levels of hormones in her system - but based on what you and a few of my nurses have told me, I would venture a guess that the unusually high amounts of stress your Ranger has been suffering caused her body to dump an astonishing load of adrenaline into her system. This forced her heart attack and caused her heart to stop more quickly than it would have under normal circumstances."

Alex murmured their appreciation as the doctor stood up to leave. He laid his hand on the door handle and looked over his shoulder at the brooding lot. Tossing out one last comment before he went to check on other patients, "Ms. Cooke will be waking up in a while. I think that she would like to see all of your faces when she wakes up, perhaps even a smile or two to reassure her that everything is - eventually - going to be okay."

_**Hey all, if you were wondering about the types of heart attacks that Sydney suffered, you can look at the address below. I'll be updating later on, but right now I'm in the middle of preparations for WTR Season 9, you can check out the Walker, Texas Ranger forums to see an episode list, teasers, and vote in some polls in my WTR Season 9 forum! I'll also be getting some updates to my two other stories, Bad Timing and The Rangers, soon. I want to finish them before August 28, when I release the season premiere!**_

_**Please remember to oil my gears with good and bad reviews alike. A single review is often worth a million hits and I always like to know how my stories /chapters affect ya'll. Thanks a ton and as always…**_

_**Enjoy the Ride,**_

_**Ckorkows**_

./health/dci/Diseases/HeartAttack/HeartAttack_


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